Showing posts with label women's rights. Show all posts

The news has been full of Chavit Singson lately: his former live-in partner accused him of physical abuse. Chavit in return retorted that he was justified in beating her because he had caught her with a lover, and that this was not the first time. In comes Mon Tulfo, saying that "we should understand him in the context of our macho society" because "that’s the way it is in this country."

Apparently, yes, that's the way it is in this country, despite all the kudos we got for being "gender-sensitive." It was all just window-dressing then, all just lip-service.

The Philippines is one of the countries in the world with an antiquated provision on crimes of passion on its books: Article 247 of the Revised Penal Code on Death or physical injuries inflicted under exceptional circumstances. Simply put, this provision says that someone who catches his legal spouse in flagrante delicto with another and kills or severely injures them shall be punished only by destierro; if he inflicts any other injury on them he shall be exempt from punishment. The same provision is also applicable to parents with regard to daughters under the age of eighteen who live under the same roof.

This, of course, aside from the differing penalties and evidence needed in cases of concubinage (lighter penalty, harder to prove) as compared to adultery (heavier penalty, easier to prove), but that's another story and one we hope will be remedied soon.

Unfortunately, Rachel Tiongson it seems is not Singson's legal wife but merely his former live-in partner, which should take this case right out of the protection of Article 247. That aside, no man has the right to beat a woman (indeed, for that matter, even another man lest he be charged with physical injuries, provocation or no provocation). That attitude that men have to lord it over women should have been thrown right out the door when women's rights began to be recognized. That attitude still harks back to the times when women were perceived as chattel, pieces of property owned by men. Women are human beings, not pets, and certainly not things you can own. Oh, for real men, enlightened men who know that women are mates and not maids, that wives and girlfriends are partners and not subordinates. Men who know that women will not stand for nonsense and abuse, and that you cannot force another person to be with you if she does not want you anymore.

Unfortunately, that attitude still prevails in this country: the concept that real men are "macho," that they should not show compassion or tenderness, that they should always be king and master of their households or business, that they are forever and always superior to women and that women who might in some case be better than them or want to leave them should be taught a lesson. In that sense at least, as they say, Chavit Singson and Mon Tulfo are real men. Mga tunay na lalaking kapita-pitagan at dapat hangaan ng kanilang kapwa lalaki.

I must have to say I admire Katrina Halili, actually.

She's not my favorite actress, although she has been portraying strong, if at times sorely misguided, women in her TV roles lately. We all wanted to pull Angelika Santibanez' hair, after all, but she had chutzpah. I don't approve of celebs "going sexy" either, or the way they cater to men's excuses to indulge their libidos, or the way they just make some women think, in spite of themselves, that they have to conform to such standards of beauty or be forever considered under par.

But boy, do I ever admire her chutzpah. Her cheek. Her way of saying, yes, I slept with someone, so what? No matter what you may think of me, or say of me, I loved him. It was wrong, but it doesn't automatically make me a whore, and it was no excuse for him to treat me like this. I am a human being, goddammit, like the rest of you, and I'll bet none of you can act like they have clean hands either. So respect me like one.

I sure hope it was not another role she's playing! Other women would cry. Others before her, faced with the same situation, effaced themselves, figuratively and literally, thinking that they had nothing left. Some killed themselves, believing that they no longer had value. Some faded away into the woodwork.

Katrina Halili stood up and fought. Although I never liked her much, I have to admire her for that.

Thank you, Kat.

Women's month? It is? Really now?

Well, for one thing, Nicole issued that statement about how she doubted that she was raped.

*START RANT HERE*

(1) That case was supposed to be a vindication. Not a damnation. Not of Nicole, not of other Filipinas, not of the rest of the Filipinos, not of this country and its culture.
(1a) How can supposedly morally upright people condemn a girl, a woman, for being raped because her clothing, her behavior, "invited it"? The heck, how masochistic women must be, to invite their own violation and degradation, then. The implication being that women must be restrained, must be prim and proper. This from the same morally upright viewpoint that family planning is a sin and that really now, people should keep themselves from having sex. Well then, those people who should be disciplined enough to abstain from the act, should be disciplined enough to not assume a woman is "inviting" them just because she wears shorts and a tank top or to not act on the "invitation".
(2) We should be protecting our own. Not, well, pimping them. Really, in this country some people think everything is relative to money. And don't some of us have that practice where, if people accuse our children of wrongdoing, we immediately punish the child without waiting to find out if the accusation was true or not? The reason: the child being accused shamed us, and it didn't matter if he was in the right--- he was just a child, and had no right to shame his parents/family.
(3) Many Filipinas do have dignity. We are not all for sale, not to the first person who offers, not to the first person who offers a reasonable price, not to any person no matter how high the price, dammit.
(4) Not all Filipinos want to kowtow to the Almighty superpowers, either, just because they are a so-called First World country (that went into a recession which infected us). And don't you be calling me a hypocrite now. I have online friends in other countries. But you don't see me deferring to them or fawning on them, just because of where they live, because we are on the same footing and I like it that way. Filipinos are as good as anyone else in the world, warts and all. If you want to insist that other nations don't have any warts, I will think that you are the hypocrite.

*END RANT*

For another thing, Jalosjos just got out of jail.

*START RANT*
(1) Rape is never justified, dammit. That's why it was changed from a crime against chastity to a crime against persons, in the first place. And rape of a child is reprehensible. How twisted would you be, to even think of doing such a thing?
(2) Such statements we see about how he had the right to have his sentence commuted and all that. About his having suffered already and should be given another chance. Suffered, my ass. Spare me. According to reports, he had a pretty cushy cell. And later, he even lived outside of the prison, in his own house, beside a resto-bar yet. And reportedly drove around the prison in his own car. While the other inmates rotted. If he had suffered like them, along with them, I would have believed that talk about punishment.
(3) What sort of message are we sending here? That there are a lot of things you can get away with as long as you have money and power? Two life sentences, PLUS a minimum of 48 years / maximum of 90 years... reduced to 16 + years only by the powers that be. Ain't life grand.

*END RANT*

Such wonderfully ironic timing some things have. Murphy's Law, yet.

Happy Women's Month to all of us.

(an open letter to "Nicole" of the Subic Rape Case)

What a Women's Month gift you gave us, Nicole.

After obtaining a conviction in your case, after everything, you suddenly threw it all away. Little by little, you had been working towards victory. He was convicted. He was not being held in our jails, true, but people were working on that. You had faced the public brouhaha the case engendered. You had been through the innuendoes, the malice and the rumors. You were nearly out of the tunnel, Nicole. Then you took it back. Your statement admitted you had behaved improperly, that perhaps you had been mistaken in what happened.

What does it look like now, to us? The newspapers say that you took the 100k he offered and emigrated to his country. They say that you went to join one of his countrymen. We feel betrayed.


I feel betrayed. I had viewed your case as something quite close to the one in "Inherit the Wind." You were a symbol to us of all our countrywomen who had been oppressed by foreigners simply because of our nationality, and far greater insult, this time the oppression had occurred on our own native soil. Would we let the foreigner get away with it? Of course we needed to show that we are not the pushovers they take us to be. We needed to show that the Filipina, despite her submissive reputation as a domestic helper, as a mail-order bride, even as a prostitute, also had dignity and was entitled to respect. Since you were the one involved, you became that symbol, Nicole.

In the end, you stood for none other than our own motherland, which in the words of the song:

"...pag-ibig nasa kanyang palad,
nag-alay ng ganda't dilag,
at sa kanyang yumi at ganda,
dayuhan ay nahalina...
bayan ko, binihag ka, nasadlak sa dusa."

(Love was in her hands,
she offered beauty and splendor,
and because of her gentleness and beauty,
the foreigners were attracted.
My country, you were taken captive and plunged into despair.)

Did it ultimately prove too much for you, Nicole? Did you just want to shout that you cannot be the statue on the pedestal that everyone wanted you to be? Or did you not realize how great a symbol you had become?

A friend of mine says that perhaps you were not strong enough, that was why you gave up the fight. She says perhaps if you had a more activist mentality, perhaps if you had been more idealistic, you might have seen the fight through to the end. As it was, she said, like most of us maybe you just wanted to give up. After all, "what justice could there be in this country?"

Others are only all too ready to heap blame upon your head for your acts, saying that since by your own admission, you were promiscuous after all, you deserved no respect and you proved it by skipping out on the rest of us. Some think that you were all too ready to give up the fight for a little money and the golden opportunity to emigrate to the "land of plenty." Implying, of course, that you are really just no better than the gold-digger which some people in other countries label us Filipinas to be-- all too ready to lie down and spread her legs for a little cash, long devoid of any inherent dignity. And that image does not help us at all.

Why, Nicole, why?

I do not know you as a person. Still, I do not want to condemn you for what many of our other sisters have done by reason of poverty or external pressure. Our country has long rationalized many acts in the name of personal prosperity-- how else would it attain the level of corruption the world perceives in it? We know the concept of "kapit sa patalim" (cling to the knife)-- the justification why so many of our countrymen leave the country to work in other places, no matter if they are overeducated for the job, just as long as it pays better. It takes a person with backbone to stand against that concept, to refuse to be one of those who subscribe to it.

I know too, how in this country things can be deceiving on the surface. I know how innocence can be twisted till it looks the very picture of guilt. I know too how guilt may be whitewashed till it looks the very image of innocence. I know how great a role money and influence play in those transformations, especially when it comes to politics. I know how this can subvert truth till it cannot be found anymore. Which is why, in the face of all the recriminations being laid at your door, even in my disappointment I do not want to judge you, Nicole.

What happened, Nicole? Only you know the truth... but then again, when it comes to this country, does anyone ever know the truth anymore?

I had the privilege of attending the 2nd Asian Regional Conference on Women's Studies of the Women's Studies Association of the Philippines at Miriam College last Monday to Wednesday, March 24-26, 2008, together with Ms. Rio (Brigino), Ms. Tin (Mandigma), Audrey, and others from WikiPilipinas and Filnet. The theme: 21st Century Engagements: the Politics and Praxis of Women's Studies in Asia". Discussions during the first day dealt with women's studies and education, the second day dealt with women's rights, and the third day dealt with globalization.

I was at the UKP-AWNGAD Forum on Gender Justice Development last Monday, March 3, for the launching of WikiPilipinas' Encyclopedia of Philippine Women and Filipiniana.net's Philippine Women's Studies microsite for Women's Month. Along with us, Ms. Dine Racoma (Sexymom of The D Spot) and Ms. Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (A Filipina Mother's Recovery) talked about uplifting the Filipina image through the site they co-founded, FilipinaImages.com.

Ms. Dine told us that her nickname "sexymom" was given to her by no less than her kids because she used to be conscious about her figure and her kids always reassured her that she was "the sexiest mom in the whole world". Being the proud mama that she is, she used the nickname as her online alter ego at the office and in her blog. She had been using the nickname for quite a long time in her blog (the D Spot) when suddenly someone who called herself "decentmom" (as opposed to "sexymom" I guess) left a comment on her blog saying that she was a disgrace to Filipinas because of her nom-de-plume. This decentmom said that everytime perverts all around the world searched for "sexy mom" they would be directed to her blog. Which blog, by the way, has nothing "sexy" in it but is full of motherhood and parenting things, and stuff like that.

The situation caught my funnybone. First, because although Filipinos do not generally talk of sex in decent company (except for us professionals who may mention it in a clinical sense when discussing issues) , we see nothing wrong with the use of the word "sexy". To us, sexy doesn't connote sex inasmuch as it connotes fitness. Sexy to a lot of Filipinos means "looking good". Not necessarily "fit for sex" or "hot for sex", which is Western thinking.

I think there's nothing wrong with the nickname "sexymom" although it may sound a little naughty to others (there, Ms. Dine, I've said it). It just describes a woman who is sure of herself, as a woman and as a mother, who is fit and well and feels great. BTW, I have a friend I call that myself when I didn't know Ms. Dine was the original sexymom-- and I called my friend that because although she was pregnant, she was still kikay and a fashionista, but nothing indecent about it. A woman deserves to feel good about herself, even when she's supposed to be in a situation where she might not look her best, like being pregnant, and "sexy mom" was the highest compliment I could give her. Lots better than calling her "losyang mom", anyway.

Anyway. Ms. Dine and Ms. Noemi had gotten fed up with all the Google results of dating sites and escort services and porn sites whenever they did a search of the word "Filipina" (like I did). They realized how low the Filipina's image had sunk and that Filipinas were generally perceived as mail-order-brides, prostitutes, and domestic helpers, as well as opportunists. So they started Filipina Images as a way to show that Filipinas were more than that. Love that concept.

Another person who spoke at the forum was "Aleng Pulis", the first female PNP Brigadier General (hats off to you, Ma'am), Yolanda Tanigue, who headed the PNP Women's and Children's Division, or the "Women's Desk". She is a staunch advocate of women's and children's rights, and truly measures up to being the only woman in a man's world with the rank to match. Yet, the one thing I remember about her is the anecdote she told about having to break the news to the policeman who was going to receive the "Bayaning Pulis" award. According to her, the policeman was very nervous when he was called to her office, because most of the time, men only got called to her office when they were investigated for something like violence against women. When she told him to sit down, he insisted on remaining standing and said that he loved his wife, he loved his kids, he had never done anything to them, and he didn't know why he was there. So she had to say that he was there because she was to tell him that he was to receive a commendation. The relieved policeman said "in that case, ma'am, may I sit down" because his legs were already none too steady. Whew. Now that's a woman--- when men quake in their boots in front of her instead of the other way around. And I mean that in a complimentary way.

I guess the reason why I simply had to talk about these two women is because they have broken out of the Filipina "maria clara" stereotype, the perception that if a Filipina does not meet this maria clara image (which is vastly overrated because Maria Clara was fictional anyway, hello!) she is no better than she should be. In many ways, the Filipina is strong-- she has always been strong, even through three centuries of repression under Spain and the church, even through exploitation and slavery and drudgery she is strong. Even repressed by Spain, Filipinas found a way to take up arms and fight. Even exploited and degraded, they found ways to assert their dignity and to break away from their chains. When given the burden of supporting their families, they went overseas to work, surviving physical, mental and emotional hardships far away from their families in order to give those back home better lives. Women are traditionally viewed as needing protection, yet many Filipinas led the forefront in order to protect others who couldn't do it for themselves. Although many areas of endeavour are traditionally bastions of men, Filipinas have broken into these areas and made it their own.

The Filipina still has a ways to go, but yes, we don't know how far she might reach.

I am thinking of putting a Hands Off ! warning on all of my online profiles, including YM, Friendster and MySpace. Just because I'm Filipina I get a lot of messages that go something like "I'm John (or Peter or Dave) and I'm from Australia (the USA, UK, etc). I'll be coming to the Philippines next month and I'm looking for a friend (activity partner, girlfriend, someone special). If you are interested, please IM (or email) me." Wow naman. How other people's perceptions of us Filipinas have sunk so low that they think we are all just ready to jump at the idea that a certain Tom, Dick or Harry is due to come to the islands looking for a bride. So what? I read somewhere that of all the foreign brides in Australia, Filipinas have the highest incidence of casualties or domestic violence victims. No, thank you. I have no intention of becoming another statistic.

I'm not slamming all those Pinays who have married foreigners, especially those who saw a way out from the state of the nation nowadays. Uh-huh. It takes a lot of guts to tie oneself in marriage to a man you barely know, especially one whose only attraction seems to be his dollars. Most especially if the reason is to give one's family a better life. I've got friends who chose that path. Hey, with the low wages and high cost of living (that only rises steadily) in the country nowadays, sometimes it just doesn't seem worth living in. That's why a lot of people leave to find work elsewhere, braving illegal recruiters, poor work safety conditions, and a lot of occupational hazards just to have something to send home. I even heard someone say that Pinoys would venture into war zones when other nationalities won't (especially the ship captains and aircraft pilots who help in evacuation) because the hazard pay is too tempting a prize to pass up. I don't blame them. That's their life. The point is, not everybody does it. There are still a few who would rather stay home and do something here. Who would rather earn without having to leave the country. Who would rather wait for the real thing to come along instead of marry a foreigner just for the money. Never mind that some other people would view it as katangahan and lack of common sense. I'm not saying it's all about the money, of course. A lot of women do have this fantasy of this white knight (and Filipinos are not white) on a white charger rescuing them from a life of slavery and riding off with them into the sunset where they live happily ever after, and a lot of men do feel flattered to be seen as the embodiment of this fantasy.

Besides, according to the materials I've read on the issue, foreigners have this conception of Filipinas as meek homebodies who defer to their husbands in everything. Someone even said they're "old-fashioned girls who put their husbands first and will care for you till death do you part." Ha. Perhaps they should be introduced to Gabriela Silang, my own distant ancestress Teresa Magbanua, and Princess Urduja. Urduja ruled her kingdom in her own right, suborning her husband and sons. Gabriela and Teresa commanded men in battle against the Spaniards. Meek women they certainly weren't. Besides, if those foreign guys look at Pinays that way, and make that the reason why they want Pinay brides, that can't help but reinforce my own opinion that they're chauvinistic a**holes like those long ago colonizers who took over these islands and made women into second-class citizens. Yup, for the enlightenment of all of you poor benighted brideseekers out there, the Filipina was an emancipated woman before the Spaniards came along, made her wear long skirts and punished her for expressing her opinions. Where other women in the world were chattels, the precolonial Filipinas were rulers, priestesses, landowners and entrepreneurs. They had the sole right of naming their children, they were queens in their own homes, and when they walked with their families their husbands and sons walked behind them instead of before them. No wonder that even when the Spaniards thought they had succeeded in putting the Filipina in her place, she still kept breaking out in the most unlikely ways. I suspect that the same thing happens with those meek mail order brides... like holding a sparrow only to find out that it was a hawk.

So why am I never going to be a mail-order bride?

1. If I cook, it will be for my own pleasure. Not at the order of a husband who thinks he can terrify me into submission and criticize my cooking. I have this terrible tendency to put purgative in the food of people who annoy me that way. I'll cook for those people I love cooking for, but if you expect a free cook, hire your own househelp, buster. Your life won't be in danger that way, only your pocket.

2. I'm not a laundress. I will wash my partner's clothes out of love, but not as if my life depended on it. I won't slave over your shirts and tremble in fear that you won't like the way I washed them. If you have any peeves with the way your clothes are washed, buy a washing machine or take your clothes to the laundry. That way, you can always sue the laundry if you're not satisfied with their performance. Or hire a laundress. Then you can sue her.

3. I'm not a domestic helper. I will put the house in order and do the cleaning, but don't expect everything to be so spick and span like it's the only thing I live for doing. If you want your house to look like a hotel, then buy one. Or hire a maid!

4. I have a career. I like my job. Don't expect me to give it up just to cater to your whims, or because it insults your male ego because your wife is a wage earner and might even earn more than you do. If you feel embarrassed about it, then work hard in your own career so you earn more. But don't punish me for having more sense than you do, because I won't stand for your nonsense. Bite me and I'll bite back.

5. I don't need your money. Because I'm a working girl, I earn my own keep. I pay my own way. I'm not dependent on any man. If I wanted dollars, I'd earn them. I don't exist just to be dressed up and shown off like a Barbie doll. I won't expect you to pay for everything that I want or need. I'll even insist on paying for dinner half of the time. When I fall in love, it doesn't matter who he is, if he's rich or poor or elite or peasant. All that I would expect of him is that he be worthy of my love and respect, and that can't be quantified in money.

6. I'm not a baby factory. I like children and would like to have my own someday, but I don't exist just to bear your heirs. And you will be content with whatever I bear you, and not get angry at me for not bearing boys. Incidentally, male children are determined by the Y chromosome which comes from the father, so if a wife bears only girls, it's probably the father's fault anyway.

7. I'm proud of my nationality. Despite all the bad things that happen in my country, despite the turmoil, despite the bad image, I know my people are trying to make the most of life. So if anyone ever puts my country or my people down when I'm around, or try to convince me to repudiate the land of my birth, they better watch it because I'm not just gonna stand meekly by and take it.

8. I'm not a martyr. I will not sit idly by and watch you go around with other women or go out with your friends and smoke and drink yourselves into stupor, then meekly accept your dictum prohibiting me from having any friends of my own, or going out with them, or anything aside from staying at home and being an unpaid househelp/nanny/babymaker/cook. I believe in adherence to wedding vows, and that once you made a promise to a person you should keep it, but don't strain my patience and my respect too far. When it comes to my respect for you and my own self-respect, mine will win over yours anytime.

9. I have a mind of my own. I will not have you putting me down or denigrating me as an ignoramus, because frankly at this point I probably know more about a lot of things than most people.

10. I despise double standards. I detest male chauvinists. Nuff said.

So hands off, buster. Just because I'm a Filipina doesn't mean I'm for sale.